America Voted...

And for all of those keeping up with American Idol (the fallen season, as I'll refer to it for now) it's that wonderful time of year, THE FIRST RESULTS SHOW!!! YAAAAYYY!!!

Let's get right into it.  Seacrest is in his best "break the bad news" black suit.  Simon is reigning over the judges table as only Simon could/should.  Until Seacrest throws a curveball, that I actually believe makes Cowell blush.  Here's a recap if you missed it:

Seacrest: "Paula who disappointed you last night?"
Incoherent Abdul: "Oh you know, Simon...Simon"
Seacrest: "Oh Paula I should have clarified, we weren't talking about after the show"


Here's another Seacrest off the cuff jewel:

Ryan: "Alright Stephen, don't get too comfortable, get up here"

Stephen walks up and shakes Ryan's hand.

Ryan: "Whoa! Hold on, your hands are soaking wet, I just slipped right through them"

Oh Ryan...I love you more and more every episode!

Was anyone really surprised by this first group:

Casey, Stephen, and Alexis.   Here's how it went, NO NO YES  (Shocker!!)

Now Ryan just starts herding the losers together.  Jackie and Ricky OUT and OUT

Michael and Anoop on the hot spot now: MICHAEL...and he starts crying after he hits the floor.  I'll admit it, I was pulling for Anoop more, I'm still holding out for a wildcard spot for him! Seacrest is careful to remind us that only 20,000 votes separated Anoop and Michael...I can smell  a spot in the top 12...I can smell it, I swear, oh no, sorry that was just Tatiana's desperation on the air.

Is it just me, or is this like the fastest house cleaning American Idol has ever done

Ok, all I really want to do is see Tatiana cry, or better yet, let loose a Turrets-like stream of four letter words on Seacrest until he has to slap the crap out of her and says to her "Snap out of it!"  (You know the Seacrest loves Cher)

OH SWEET!! Overdose of Awesomeness David Cook, Carrie Underwood and Carly Smithson and Michael Johns!!  It's almost like Fox is saying "remember the season you wish you were watching?"  Yes, yes I do Fox, and ok, so maybe "The Letter" isn't the best for a duet with Smithson and Johns, but they look like rock stars and I like that, yes, I am that easily satisfied sometimes.

Ann-Marie, they don't even bother making her wander down to the stage.  Brent stays put too, oh and Stevie is pulled into this group...I'm going to make a quick prediction NO NO and NO...

...and I'm RIGHT..and they show some dude crying  I guess we'll never know who that is, because clearly it doesn't matter.  

It's TIME Danny V. Tatiana (who's apparently going into a trance-like state) she's speechless, this is going to be amazing and Seacrest does the most appropriate thing a host could do at this point:
"Paula who do you think DESERVES to be in the top 12?"  and after meandering around some sort of "they're both great" answer, she finally says, "but you want me to answer, so...Danny" After which Tatiana takes off her Paula Abdul ring, walks over to the judges table and throws it directly into Paula's eye.  Paula can't really feel anything (her reaction time is too slow), but it's ok because Cara's already over the table, pulling Tatiana's hair and screaming "I knew you were a BEAST!"...sorry I'm off track, they just went to a commercial break, what a tease!

Can I just say how much I love the fact that Tatiana is looking at the camera checking her hair and fake crying..

DANNY ...YES!!!!  and here it is Tatiana's sob fest, what a bitch, she's totally taking away from Danny's awesome moment, but she's quickly herded off-stage by the other contestants, who have clearly been paid to keep her in line.  Man I love her in that "if I ever knew her in real life I would try to sneak cyanide pills into her meals at every moment I could"  Oh and she's still crying.  I think Tatiana is getting ready to shake herself into a seizure to hog ALL of the attention.  Oh man, that was almost worth the payoff for stringing her along so much.  If Fox were smart, they'd release the behind-stage freak out which you know is going to take place.  Someone's going home with a black eye, that's all I'm saying.

AHHH..until next week, when I'll be rooting for Matt Giraud (dueling piano man), Kris Allen (because he's freakin' adorable and I never got to see him much during the auditions), Jasmine Murray, and whoever else manages to not suck as bad as most of last night's contestants. Good Luck Kiddos!


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