Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Results Show- vol 2.0


It's that time of the week, the night I build the remaining 6 days around (yeah, i just said it, in a not-ironic kind of way)  The Results Show!  And as Seacrest so kindly reminds me...

THIS IS ....AMERICAN IDOL!!!

25 million votes, Republicans and Democrats would literally kill for those numbers (or get a lobbyist to do their dirty work)

Simon is put through his normal rigors and then it's onto...you guessed it, A MONTAGE!

This just reminds me of all the people that I didn't see during the auditions and Hollywood week.  

Ne-Yo's "Closer" is the chosen method of torture for this week's sing-a-long.  I still love everyone I loved last night.  Matt Giraud is awesome, I don't care what anyone says and Kris Allen...OY..So SUPER-CUTE, and he can dance!  

Most awkward pairing goes to Matt The Welder and Kai, who I'm pretty sure think Ne-Yo and Nike are the same thing.  Nick Mitchell just forgot his words and they give Adam last yelp of the number.  Thank goodness that's over, now it's time for me to get a COKE  ( I'm really just hoping that if I put their name in here enough times in bold, maybe COKE will start sponsoring my floundering blog.

and now it's TACO TIME!!! And time for the highlights, this should be quick

If I hear one more word about Jeanine's legs, I think I might actually rip a door off the hinge, Hulk-style.

Finally, it's only 8:17 and we're getting to the first group: Jesse, Matt B., and Allison, my guess, NO NO YES...man, Jesse is so freaking annoying, if there were a button that would open the stage and there were un-caged lions underneath and they hadn't been fed for a week, I would give her a twig to fend them off with, and then hit the button with relish!  And I'm RIGHT, who'da thunk?! Allison's voice is seriously ridiculous!  I'm jealous of a 16-year old!  Did I mention she's 16!

Kris and Meaghan...I'm nervous- and Matt & Jeanine....Please let it be Kris, Please let it be Kris...Paula's turn to guess, this could take forever...finally, Jeanine's gone, and so's Matt (boo!!)

down to Kris and Meaghan...grrr, shut the hell up Cara can we just get to the point!  If you heard me squeal in delight, that's because KRIS ALLEN went through!! SUH-WEET!!  Oh what I wouldn't give to have him in a few of those audition shows so we could all see his apparently awesome version of "Everything" by Michael Buble.  AI producers, I have to say your teasing tactics suck sometimes.

Now it's time for the final-stool time, but wait, not before one last montage to squeeze the be-jeezus out of this hour-long bonanza.  Again, this montage should be called "Remember when we could find 12 people who had awesome talent (except of course for Ruben, Taylor and Fantasia)."

Brooke White's on now, yeah these re-appearances always just make me want to watch last season over and over.  Brooke is clearly aiming to be the new Carly Simon, Carole King.  "Hold up My Heart" (her new single) is more "Tapestry" than "Good Girl Gone Bad" but it's not terrible.

And now, with 12 minutes remaining on the countdown clock, it's down to the wire!!  Who's stool will be filled next?!  That might just be a question for craft services, but Seacrest will do his best to answer it.  And they've wasted so much time, they're now eliminating by a group of 5.  It's like watching cattle be herded to slaughter.  Who'll be the one to break away and graze another day.

Mishovonna, Kai and Jasmine...you are the weakest links!  SITDOWN! And now...right into another commercial break, good deal.  I would normally use this as a potty break, but Idol is just so darn unpredictable, I'm not sure when they'll be coming back,
And I'm waiting
And I'm waiting
Oh good, with my bladder fit to burst, it's Nick V. Adam...oh man...oh BOO!!! Adam is going through, and his turn to howl one last time for this week.  If Gary Glitter had ever recorded "Satisfaction" this is what it would have sounded like.  He's just so pleased with himself and all I can feel is deflated, at least 5 more weeks of this "YEOW!" coming up.

Don't worry, we might have more FABULOUS coming up next week with Nathaniel Marshall!!

I don't even know who I'm voting for next week.  At this point, all I can hope is that Matt gets a wildcard spot, along with Anoop, and if that doesn't happen, then I hope Kris goes to at least the top 3,  I don't know that I can make it through all the upcoming weeks without looking forward to him.  

Alright, till next week, where I hope to see more tears, hear less crap and maybe a glimpse of David Cook.




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