Well we're almost there kiddos! This is the 3rd and final week of these 36 wannabes, with the remaining 12 performing. In this group, I'm rooting for...no one. I've never seen a group that's so sad. It makes me wish Danny Noriega would make a re-appearance, just so we could have someone interesting in both hours of this fiasco-to-be, because you know Nathaniel Marshal is going to bring it!
Alright, so I know I'm waaaay too addicted to idol when Seacrest has worked enough magic on me for me to say "ooohhh he looks good tonight!" but "oooohh he looks good tonight!"
And with that, let the games begin:
Vonn Smith (the mouth) is up first and he decides to gamble on Marvin Gaye's "You're all I need to get by". Not my favorite. He may not be as bad as Jeanine, but only because you can't see his legs in that baggy suit he borrowed from his grandpa. I hate the way he sings. His faces are weird, he's boring, and at last it's done. And for some reason, the judges like it. I don't get it. Last year this kid wouldn't have even made it past Hollywood! Are the pickins really that slim?!
Taylor Vaifanua-something (i've already forgotten her). Alicia Keys...oh if only this girl could find 1 key. If Randy doesn't say it's "pitchy" I'll give part of my tax refund to whoever claims it first. Kara (I apologize for spelling it with a "C" for the last couple weeks) and Paula both say essentially the same thing. Uh Oh...Taylor sang the same song tonight she did in Hollywood, cheater cheater. What!!! Randy didn't get to say anything before the music cued. I can't believe that Randy didn't say "pitchy"! I take back the tax refund comment. I need all my extra money to pay for David Cook's tickets.
Next up is Alex Wagner-Trugman (the geek) aka the most awkward person in this week's episode and he ISN'T the blind guy, but I do find him charming . He's just said he's been in a "long-distance relationship for a while" you know what that means ladies. He's not completely off-the-market, you just have to be into RPG (role playing games for the novice) and update your physics club profile. He sings Elton John's "I guess that's why they call it the blues" and oh man he was terrible, I think he's gotten worse since Hollywood week. It sounds like Adam Lambert was living inside his voice literally dying to get out. There was some sort of noise coming from him that I thought only existed in the "Alien" realm.
I actually found the Old Navy not-talking-but-talking mannequins more interesting than the last half hour of this show.
Now heading for the firing squad is Arianna Afsar (the wannabe) on her own Mamma Mia kick "The Winner Takes it All"...hmmm maybe Meryl WAS a better singer than I gave her credit for. Simon better say she's trying to be old because man she's like 50 up there right now. The belting was alright, the singing was not so good, I would think. Simon says "absolutely terrible". She says she "tried to make it contemporary" and Simon says "well you didn't". She sounds like 2004 Whitney Houston, not 1987 when-she-was-good Whitney.
With this episode being so incredibly boring, I've taken to playing the game "whose celebrity voice is in this commercial".
Oh boy "Hey There Delilah" courtesy of Ju'not Joyner (the new Chikeze). Oh my gosh, if he slowed this song down anymore, I would be pretty sure that I was on percocet washed down with some sort of heavy liquor. Oh this is painful, thank god this song is short. The judges like him, because he's the best of the worst so far. Simon says he thought it was better than he thought it would be, which translates to "I have no expectations for this season whatsoever".
Oh I love the most vapid interview with Kristen Mcnamara (the ditz). I hate that this brat actually has a decent voice. I refuse to vote for her just on principle. My principle is if I would want to punch their face in just for taking too much time in McDonald's saying things like "hhmm i don't know" "Is the big mac really big?" or "How many calories are in a chicken mcnugget?" then I won't vote for them. I'm wrapping my knuckles just watching her pretend to be Pat Benatar.
Oh YEEESSSS!!! Nathaniel Marshall, I love the re-cap of all the tears!! "I want this so bad but I don't want to take away your dream" my favorite quote of the season. Holy Crap! A Meatloaf song, just what this competition needed!! I love this boy. I love the headband, the 80s blazer, the skinny jeans, the SNL-mockworthy movements. I'm totally voting for this kid. Aunt and Grandma are both in the audience, and apparently "I would do anything for love" was the family tune in the house...creeepy and awesome.
Apparently Paula's off her pills because she can remember all of the songs that the people sang during Hollywood week and Simon is in awe of her memory. Either that or the producers have written down all of this stuff beforehand. And now it's just mad chaos with no control and someone putting a headband on Simon. Oh and still 45 minutes left. I sometimes wonder what else I could be doing with my life in 2 hours...
Ooh! That was Aaron Eckhart on the Ford Commercial
Felicia Barton (the replacement)-Alicia Keys "no one" she actually sounds really good. I'm voting her to spite the producers as well. Send through Joanna Pacitti only to have the fact that she was pretty much sleeping with half of them to get a spot, and then have to replace her with someone who actually deserves to be in the talent competition! Good for Felicia for rubbing it in their faces.
Scott McIntyre (the blind guy)- it's a Bruce Hornsby song. I haven't heard that name since 1989. I like that he's actually a musician. I mean I dare you to ask the entire group of 36 who Bruce Hornsby is, and maybe if you're lucky 8 people would know him. If Kara continues to bang her hand on the desk, I'm going to start banging my head in time against the coffee table. Oh that was genius, Scott gave Ryan a high-5!! Ryan totally feels like a tool and he should.
Kendall Beard (the hick)- whoa her dad does an alligator dance. Not bad for a Martina McBride song. I'm really unsure whether Kara knows what she's talking about. Paula says she looks good...and not much else. Simon didn't love it, no surprise, since he hates country.
Up Next is Jorge Nunez (the Shark), who apparently is busy going to the bathroom and they've replaced him with an emotion-less robot. It wasn't just me right, when they zoomed in on him before they went to commercial break, he looked super-duper creepy, right. Hopefully he'll make it onstage in time so I don't have to see those crazy eyes again. Oh good, "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" oh and he gets a split screen...I think this is the AI producers subliminal message of telling us who's going to get through.
Last but not least, Lil Rounds (the shoe-in) It's time to have another Melinda Doolittle, and she's going to sing Mary J. Blige. The audience is standing up because the producers told them to. Simon "brilliant" Kara "powerhouse" Randy "swagger" Paula "first-class" and a terrible pun.
I have absolutely no predictions for this week other than Lil Rounds is definitely making it, probably into the top 5 eventually. The rest was just a parade of suckiness with Seacrest as the drum major. Although I'll be voting for Nathaniel Marshall, Felicia Barton and Scott McIntyre, for real.
Oh I can't wait for tomorrow!!!