Tuesday, March 17, 2009

This IIIISSSS American Idol


It's that time of week-when my emotions start to get flustered, I'm more judgmental than usual and I'm easily irritated...no no no it's not Mother Nature's special gift, it's time for the performance edition of AMERICAN IDOL!  I meet this week with more fear than hope, seeing as it's Grand Old Opry Week...OY!  This could get really really ugly kids

It doesn't start off well, with some horrendous flashing green lights, 4 leaf clovers, and frightening Irish music to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.  I was half expecting the Lucky Charms Leprechaun to take over Seacrest's job...then again, maybe he already has.

And the producers have paid Randy Travis to say how great this season's group is.

Michael Sarver is going to try to improve on Garth Brooks.  Good Luck Buddy! Ain't Goin Down til the Sun Comes Up-this feels SUPER Karaoke.  Sure it's a lot of words to learn, but seriously, that performance was about on par with a wedding singer in my opinion.  But he'll stick around for next week.  And Randy Jackson is calling him Mikey.  Michael tells Simon he just wanted to have fun, but there are 2 fundamental problems with that:  That's the exact phrase that everyone uses when they know they've blown it, and Simon gives the performance a 1.2 out of 10.  I'm guessing that could have gone better.

Allison Iraheta- Blame it on your heart-this girl can just flat out sing.  She's a ridiculous regular person, but as a singer, she's got top 4 written all over her.  There's nothing bad about this girl's performances lately and get ready for the judges to fawn all over her.  I'm pretty sure that Simon just checked out Paula's boobs.  Paula just keeps talking and Simon pretends to have no idea what she's talking about.  I don't know why Simon even bothers to show up to country week.  Randy doesn't think it was precocious but that's just because he doesn't know what it means; he thinks it's dope.  If you're counting, that's yet another four letter, one syllable word added to Randy's vocabulary.

Kris Allen is going to sing To Make You Feel My Love so if you'll excuse me, my attention is going to be glued to the screen as I melt into a pool of butter.  Man he's hot!  Why did he end on the falsetto note?!  It doesn't matter he's already managed to put a whole generation of girls into puberty.  Ugh god, if I hear the word "tender" one more time I'm not exactly sure what I'll do, but it won't be pretty.  He's not leaving tomorrow night, that's for sure.  Just goes to show you can never go wrong with a Bob Dylan song.  Oh yeah, I know my music history.  Also, that movie was covered by Garth Brooks for the movie Hope Floats, just to toot my own horn.

Lil Rounds is talking about the time the Idols spend together and it's the first time that I've realized that I don't know how many interviews with her I can handle.  She's going to hold back on her "R&B" style and she's doing on Independence Day by one of my favorites, Martina McBride.  I cringed a bit, I can't lie.  She's not comfortable at all.  Sorry this has got NOTHING on the original.  This isn't just a song, it's a message, and she's not delivering, the chorus is saving her a bit.   Randy literally just said the same thing, and now she's making her excuses "I really wanted to try something different".  Kara says good for her standing her ground. Paula thinks she looks great and tells her she's an obvious favorite.  Simon can't get past the "Little"/"Lil' " thing.  Oh she needs to be quiet.

Oh Seacrest...I love it when you pull the wool over Simon's eyes...The LIL JUDGE...get it?!  It's an innuendo.  Oh and Adam Lambert's up next, get your earplugs on hand and let the dogs out of the house, the howling could get a bit annoying. 

Adam Lambert- Ring of Fire- I love that Randy said "I don't even know what to say about this boy".  The producers live for moments like those between Randy and Adam.  Oh man, he thinks so highly of himself, and he better because after this performance..."it burns" that's for sure Adam.  Oh Paula will never say a bad word about this one ever (the producers have told her this because they're threatening to give Kara her job).  Pick your tongue up off the floor Paula.  "What the hell was that"?  Thank you Simon.  If you listen really closely you can hear Johnny Cash rising from the grave because of the spell Adam just acted out.  Sorry I was just trying to find the silver lining to that performance.  I was reminded of the "performance art" scene in She's All That where Freddie Prinze Jr. has to juggle a soccer ball for no apparent reason.  Yes it is as stupid as it sounds, and I wish I was watching it right now.

Scott MacIntyre-Wild Angels-another favorite of mine, I can't believe he picked this, he must be a country fan because this isn't a well known song.  It's amazing, I hope...Good Luck Scott.  Someone finally cut his hair, which is good. Paula hates the piano now, it's separating Scott from the audience.  I really wish that they wouldn't let the contestants talk back and I'm REALLY tired of Simon and Paula bickering.  Thanks for the clarification Kara, "Up Your Game".  I wish Paula would shut up...really.  Ok, so it wasn't great, but I think I've seen worse already.

Alexis Grace- I'm already over these interviews.  Randy is kind of a boring coach.  Jolene, not Alexis' best performance.  I love watching Simon during Paula's comments.  She wants to get some variety in there.  This is the most boring show of the season, by far.  This is literally the fourth time I've heard the phrase "if I'm back next week"... are these people really not confident enough?!  Maybe that's why they're all singing crap.

Danny Gokey is next up with Carrie Underwood.  I'm feeling inspired already.  I'm betting on Jesus Take the Wheel...but we'll see, and I'm right!! Wow, apparently Danny can't remember any of the words.  The producers have even managed to pay off Randy Travis to LOVE the Gokey.  Oh the chorus hits and I'll admit it, he's really good, he always is.  I think Paula's just managed to put together 18 half thoughts and all she really managed to get out was "it was brilliant".  Simon's only problem is his "polar" jacket.  Nothing Randy says matters.

YAY!!! Anoop is Next!!  I'm pulling for you Anoop!  You Were Always my Mind I'm melting again.  I love this boy.  And it was awesome!!  I think so at least.  He just said "Yes Ma'am" oh southern gentlemen are amazing.  Simon says he went from zero to hero and he takes away last week's comment.  YYEEEEESSSS!!!!  I'm so glad he was good!  I know, I'm completely biased, and I don't care.

Megan Joy- Walkin' After Midnight  I'm ready for terrible dancing and some cawing...bring it on.  The boobs are on parade for sure tonight.  She's going after the "I'm hot" vote again.  I feel like she should be playing a ukelele.  Somebody STOP THIS NOW!!!! UGH GOD....no Randy you're wrong this WAS a train wreck... WHAT IS THIS BULL CRAP!?!?!?  I'm supposed to feel bad for her because she has the flu..cough, cough...who cares?! She sounds like death warmed over...cough cough.  WHAT IS WRONG with these people?!!    I'm over her.

Matt Giraud- So Small-YIPPPEEE!!  I hope this is awesome too, it sounds promising.  It's pretty darn good, I'll say that much!! oh and Paula's up off her feet.  Kara just said "there ain't nothing small about you"...man oh man she's worse than Paula.  Paula can't say the word "authenticity" in fact, she can't say a single word.  Simon is finally recognizing the awesomeness of Matt.  FINALLY!! 

So tonight was kind of rough, but all of my boys are bringing it!!

I think Michael Sarver or Megan Joy are going home tomorrow. And I thought Lil was pretty terrible too.  Scott wasn't awesome either.

Download Anoop and Matt since they're the best!!
See ya tomorrow kiddos!






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