Tuesday, March 31, 2009

This is their moment: Ryan Seacrest words to live by


It's that time of week again, another Tuesday rolls around, another performance night!  I'm huddled over my bowl of chicken parm (thank goodness for roommates!) like a homeless person waiting for their next fix.  Randy speaks only words of truth "the competition is really getting tougher" such a prophet!  Kara mumbles something about artistry, Ryan checks to make sure that Paula has no props under the table (the flask is ok though) and Simon lets us know it's time to roll!!

Oh and Ryan gets to plug his other day job (American Top 40, which he stole from Dick Clark, but no one's told him that yet).  Honestly, nothing has made me want to work in radio less than this.

Oh no, and Anoop is going first, that's like the kiss of death for the bottom 3!  Usher's "Caught Up".  I don't really know what's up with the chain on the blazer.  It's good, but it isn't wowing me, the way Anoop should.  Kara says he just sang like Usher, I'm sure that's a terrible thing considering that Usher is probably watching this from his giant mansion, and Kara will drive home in her VW Cabriolet.  Simon thinks it was a mess.

You know what's going to be more of a mess, or perhaps a vocal equivalent of the perfect storm, Megan singing Bob Marley.  We're breaking out the Arbor Mist right now.  Hopefully we'll make it through half the bottle before we really know what hits us.

She's doing "Turn the Lights Down Low".  I don't even know if I have too many words or I'm speechless.  I actually can't tell if the words are coming out of her mouth or her nose.  I had a friend who sang like this in 7th grade.  And she ends sounding like a muppet.  Horrible.  Kara says it was the first time "Megan's register got annoying" WHAT SHOW HAS SHE BEEN WATCHING?!?!  Paula just had a run-on sentence of some sort.  Randy just lists a bunch of great singers that Megan isn't.  And now she thanks her fans...WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE.  If you like singing muppets vote for Megan, or Kermit, or Miss Piggy.

I just saw an ad for some sort of microwavable stromboli, a combination which should probably never occur in real life.  The commercial features a couple making something akin to a date night out of 2 of said strombolis.  If I ever date a man whose idea of a date night includes  microwavable strombolis remind me to ask for a refund from E-Harmony...YICH...

Danny is Gokey-ing next...get it..going, Gokey..and he's doing Rascal Flatts "What Hurts the Most".  This is such a good song, I hope that he does it justice.  It's kind of predictable, and he's going to "pull it down this week and sing his heart out" what's he been doing the other weeks?
I'm thinking he'll be crying by the end of this performance....
Simon thinks it was his best performance, and I'm feeling a bit manipulated.  Randy wants him to "keep it moving" and Kara thinks he gave her goosebumps...it's not goosebumps, it's called a rash.  I mean it was good, but it's not shocking.

Allison is singing No Doubt's "Don't Speak" and man this girl can sing...and she's 16!! I had to get it out before the judges have a chance to remind us 85 times.  Every week I like her more and more and that's saying a lot, she's just awesome.  Even if she is dressed like a runaway from the "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" video.  Randy thinks she started rushing the band a bit, but all he has to talk about is the outfit.  I think Dwayne Johnson is getting ready to make an appearance because Kara says that "the rock in you comes out".  Simon thinks she shouted the song, but that's only because he's kind of a liar.

Scott's up next with Billy Joel.  It looks like his hair ran into a weed wacker, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.  I don't know what he's going to sing, but here's hoping it's "We Didn't Start the Fire" (I can't take it anymore!) 
Seriously, the Journey "Don't Stop Believing" preview of Glee makes me want to watch it even more than I already did.  
Scott's got a faux pompadour and we're shockingly told that he's a big fan of Billy's.  They're toughening him up this week with a leather jacket.  I kind of feel like I'm watching the opener at a Michael Feinstein concert, if you don't know who that is, that's why Wikipedia was invented.  Paula's proud of him, and reminds him that he's blind.  Thanks Paula.  Simon says it was his best performance and Randy has to interrupt the Honeymooners to get his word in edgewise.

Matt and Lil are doing the Fray and Celine Dion.  I'm hoping that Matt's doing the Fray and Lil's doing Celine, I'll be slightly disappointed if it's the opposite.

Matt's doing "You Found Me" and I never thought I'd say it, but "it's a little pitchy dawg".  But I'm still totally voting for him because he rocks my socks.  I don't think I understand at all anymore what the judges want.  

Lil is singing "I surrender" by Celine Dion.  This song has more keys than a janitor...ugh, I'm over it.  I do surrender Lil, please finish this.  Uh Oh.  I don't think this is going to be so good.  I don't know what they're talking about.  Yeah Kara she hit a few notes alright.  And Seacrest is pimping out Lil's kids.

Adam-and the YEOW-ING is back ladies and gentleman.  "Play that funky music White Boy".  Wow, for real, that stage just got WAY more grooving than it deserved.  I'm so glad!  For a week I thought I was in danger of becoming an Adam fan, this week has cured that thought.  How long are they going to let him howl?!  Am I the only one who thinks Adam gets more airtime than the rest of them.  I just want to hear Simon, shut up Paula.  Oh and now Adam's a true genius.  I hope his head can still fit into the mansion after this performance.  Oh god, Kara, it's "Heinz 57" and "Studio 54".  I'm unfamiliar with Studio 57, it must be that place 3 doors down from Studio 54 that has really good Asian fusion food and howling music.

Kris-this could be really good.  Man he's friggin' adorable.  "Ain't No Sunshine"  I'm seriously in love with this performance.  I can't be in love with Kris, because he's married and I respect commitment.  But if you're ever in need of a place to stay, all I'm saying is I've got a couch and a bed Kris, you can take your pick, as long as you play that song.  That was a moment, for real.  Kara is literally panting, and counting her words again, but this time, she's on the right track.  

I think Anoop, Matt and Megan might be in the bottom 3, it wasn't an awesome night for my boys, but at least Kris kicked the crap out of "Ain't No Sunshine".  I'm still recovering from that one. Unless one of the boys is safe and it's Lil and Megan and one of my boys.  Excuse me while I pre-order my i-tunes choices.  Til Later Gators, Happy Voting.  and just keep trying if  you can't get through the 13 year-olds head to bed around 11:00 I think.




1 comment:

Chris said...

we need to get coca-cola cups so that we can drink our wine coolers from them like paula.