Wednesday, May 13, 2009

American Idol gets Lost


I will confess right now.  As die hard of an American Idol fan as I am, these results shows tend to stink more than a port-a-potty filled with Taco Bell on a 90 degree day.  I'm watching the playback on DVR as we speak, without all of those nasty little commercials.  I will say though, that I watched the last 10 minutes live, pausing Lost.  The noise that came out of me when the results were read is something that probably should not come from a human being.  It lasted a good 20 seconds, without interruption, and let's just say, it might even leave the "Gokey shriek", as I've dubbed it, in the dust.  I apologize to anyone in the area who might have thought, after hearing this sound, that a pack of homeless cats had met their demise, or that there was a child who had just met Freddy Kreuger.  But the fact of the matter is that, what happened in the last five minutes of Idol was something that I could have only dared to dream of.  Thank You, American Idol, for proving that dreams can come true.

Oh and also thanks to AT&T for not messing this stuff up!!  

Oh and to my mom, who was somehow miraculously able to get through for Kris a whopping 10 times, and Adam 10 times.  Yes, I've taught her well, and now the padawan becomes the Jedi. Alright, alright, technically she's the Jedi, and her 10 votes outshine my 6 votes, but I'm getting away from the big picture.  The picture is that Danny is go-go-go-GONE GOKEY GONE!!  (but don't worry, I'm sure there's a record deal waiting in the wings).

Ok, let's start at the beginning...

Ben Stiller is already pimping out his new movie, Night at the Museum 2...AHHH!!! Bill Hader and Hank Azaria to?!  Alright, oh my goodness, Jonah Hill..."His name's Tim, he lives in my building" amazing.  Now it's back to Ryan, oh Ryan, what will I do without you...oh wait, you're on E! every night.  
Kevin Bacon is in the audience?!  Holy Moly 88 million votes and only 1 million separating the top 2?  I have a feeling there will be a TON of exclamation points in this blog.  Oh man, Randy's booing, yeah, it was old in the second week.

FMV time:  we're roaming into animated territory-how much time do you think that the producers have given to trying to convince these guys to become a boy band?  If this was 1999, they'd already be learning choreography and thinking about how to keep their significant others hidden.
Noah from Rwanda is up.  I love this kid's energy.  This performance makes me miss the hour long extravaganza that was Idol Gives Back (R.I.P.)  I hope the producers wise up and bring it back next year.  It's nice to be reminded that this show can do much more than just be a Pavlovian response to phone numbers.  

They're bringing out Danny first.  Oh and we're getting to see what the contestants did when they got to their hometowns, something that we totally got gipped on last night.  This feels a little weird.  Oh man, that girl was crying and saying "thank you" like her brother was Lazarus.  And the producers have carefully crafted the Jamar-Danny bromance reunion, I'm surprised Celine Dion isn't playing in the background.  How do all of these people find out about this stuff.  I'm almost convinced that they fly people in and at least half of these people are extras.
Ok, yeah this is weird.

Kris is up next and he's gotten free cheese dip for life.  Good for him.  That's actually not a bad gift at all.  I would prefer that to having someone sign e up for the cheese of the month club.  Oh man, he does not look prepared for the stardom that is about to literally rain down on him.  His parents seem cool and the producers are still doing everything in their power to make you forget that Kris is married.  I almost feel a little bad for the wifey, but not that bad because, let's face it, she's married to Kris Allen.

Jordin Sparks is up next.  She's kind of the forgotten Idol.  She hasn't done enough to be Kelly or Carrie or David, but at the same time she's not as confusing a winner as Ruben or Taylor.  It's pretty much her and Fantasia where people go "oh yeah, she was on American Idol".  This is a super dramatic song, you know how I know that?  The dry ice swallowing the stage.  And pretty much the only thing I can pick up about this song is that it has the words "armor" and "battlefield" in it.

OH DON'T FORGET THAT NEXT WEEK IS GLEE!!!

Ryan just thanked me for choosing American Idol, but shhhh!!! Don't tell him it wasn't my first choice.  I think I know now what it feels like to be the "cheater" in the relationship.  Hahahhahaa...if anyone deserves to have a streaker, it's Adam.  I like that he says "I've never done this" and he's a total natural.  This kid was always gonna be a star.  He literally put eyeliner on the weather girl, good for him!  Man these girls love him.  If there's ever a reason to return to high school, being an American Idol contestant is the way to go.  

Alright, Katy Perry is up next.  I know I shouldn't like her because she's all pop bubblegum, but her songs are really fun, and she's what a pop star should be.  She's like the female version of Elton John and Freddie Mercury and bless her heart she's got an Adam Lambert cape on!!!  I want those Elvis glasses so bad!  If there was ever an appropriate tribute to Adam Lambert, I'm pretty sure having his name put on a cape would be the best way to go.  If I could ever fit into that outfit, I would totally go as Katy Perry for Halloween.

And just for fun, to hear it one more time...the lights are dimmed, the world holds its breath and "the first person competing in next week's finale is.....KRIS!!!"  That's when I lost my mind, if there were sound clips I would include it here, but to the unsuspecting it might have sounded like I was being forced to watch myself chew my own arm off, that wasn't the case.  I was just so so so happy.

So all ten will be back next week for the finale, and then the gauntlet gets laid.  Although I kind of feel like a winner already because Kris and Adam deserve to be there.  I won't listen to "you are so beautiful" one more time, though, it's too late for that crap.

Until the big night, I'm busy getting my finale dress altered, but I'll be there on the couch, along with the rest of the Idol Addicts.

If you have not watched LOST, do not watch Lost or don't care about Lost, DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE
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Alright, here are some quick thoughts on the gigando season finale that was LOST tonight before I forget my thoughts:

1.  Did they just do what I think they did to Sayid and Juliet?  
2.  Kate is getting on my nerves and was only marginally rectified at the end.  
3.  Did anyone else LOVE Matthew Fox running and gunning the whole episode?  I love that Jack FINALLY has a backbone, he's much sexier that way.  I literally cheered when he was taking out those guards.
4.  Everyone does realize that once they've gone back to the Island everything has reversed, including personalities, right?
5.  I don't think Jacob is running anything, but the unnamed guy at the beginning of the episode definitely is.
6.  If Locke is in the box...(get it the Locke Box) that means the UnNamed Guy can change shape.  If this is the case, what if HE'S the one bringing people back to island (in the shape of Jacob) to do the exact opposite of everything that SHOULD have happened.  What if everyone was really meant to stay where they were?  A point raised by Miles...
7.  Please please please don't tell me that Daniel Faraday is dead...please.
8.  Back to point in #6, if this guy can change shape, maybe he can take on anyone's shape as long as he touches them.  And he was touching all of our major players throughout the episode, so that means at one point or another, this guy could have been any one of them... I'm just saying.
9.  Can I tell you how glad I was that Vincent made a reappearance?!
10.  WHAT THE HELL IS THE LOOPHOLE?!
11.  Are we going to pick up with the ship at the beginning of this episode next season?  If so, what if we find out that all of the people on the island are descendants of the people on that ship?
12.  I'll be re-watching this episode again to come up with more questions, I'm sure.

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