Sorority Hoes: need I say more?
So I went to see Sorority Row. I wish I could say that I went against my will, that I was begrudgingly dragged, or that I lost a bet. But I can't say any of those things. I quite simply thought, "I want to see a movie, and I've already seen everything I want to see, and short of seeing Inglourious Basterds a third time," (which I'll hopefully be doing tomorrow), "Sorority Row looks like the least work. And I was right.
Essentially it's "I know what you did eight months ago...and now you'll die". The good news is that everything is laid out for you in the trailer. There's a bunch of sorority girls, you can catch the full IMDB cast list here, because honestly, I can only remember Rumer Willis' name, and that's because her dad's Bruce Willis, not because of a standout, breakout performance here. However, all of the actresses are decent enough. There's not a whole lot that they have to do besides be snarky, pretty, talk about or have sex, and be willing to fall through or get thrown into random holes (which kind of goes along with the having sex part). It's 101 minutes of picking them off one by one, until by some sort of Darwin theory, the strongest remain; although I'm quite sure when Darwin was thinking of the strong surviving he wasn't thinking of fending yourself off from a sorority house on fire.
There is even better news with this one, and that's the fact that it doesn't take itself too seriously. It knows that it can't. Any movie that opens with a bra-and-panty clad stumbler and a soiree that looks like something from "Porky's" on crack (including slo-motion shots of butts hanging out of onesie pajamas, I can't make this stuff up) forfeits any rights to take itself seriously. But the writing is sarcastically fun and from the first kill, you know you won't be in for a dull moment.
My advice: don't go in with any expectations, or go in with below average expectations, and go with people that you like. Go to a theater that's not too crowded so that you and your friends can laugh and discuss all the ridiculousness in real time. This isn't a movie to savor or ponder, but it is a movie that you can laugh at and with. At the worst it's worth a rent. Oh and Carrie Fisher wields a mean shot gun, so that's awesome.
Overall Rating: 2 and 1/2 body shots...you'll need some extra tequila.