Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sorry in Advance

If you're looking for a post that you can just waste time reading, well then, welcome to one and all, you've found it.  I've been trying to write a Top 10 list of Broadway showstoppers, because that's what I do in my downtime, and I've been frustrated because I can't narrow it down and I think I've already covered too much Broadway in a very short span of time.
So, to fill the void I was watching the DVR'd American Idol and suddenly realized a couple of things.  So here, in no true order, are the things that have been occupying the brain space while I watched the show that was once American Idol and is now American wanna-be divas.

Why don't they sell Pacific Shrimp soft tacos and burritos at Taco Bell all year round and not just during lent.  For those of you who are naysayers about seafood at Taco Bell, I must ask the question, have you had Taco Bell?  None of the meat is all that real or fresh.  That's why it's smothered in delicious taco seasoning, and covered with sour cream, cheese and various other creamy sauces with vague cilantro flavor. And that's why it's delicious.  The "Pacific" shrimp taco and burrito (bravo marketing geniuses for making the seafood appear more authentic) are no less delicious, and perhaps better than some other things on the menu...yes, I'm talking to you scary Volcano taco.  I'm already at Taco Bell, I'm not looking for something MORE explosive, but I like your winking irony.

I have to admit it, I really have fallen for the Ford Explorer Go Do commercial featuring Jonsi's "Go Do".  It features people doing all sorts of adventurous, fun-looking things that I wish I too could be doing.  The truth is, if I traded in my trusty Corolla and purchased a Ford Explorer, A) I would feel bad about trading in my Corolla.  It's been with me through thick and thin, through that towing, through those speeding tickets, through that fender that got bent.  I apologize Corolla, for all of the things you've had to endure and I'm sorry now, that you're out in a snow storm in March.  Yes, you read that correctly, a snow storm in March.
I would feel bad about the fact that I had purchased an SUV because no matter how many miles it gets, I'm sure it's less than my reliable TC.  I would also probably have to take on a payment plan, which at this stage in my life is simply ridiculous.
On the upside, with my Corolla getting the smooshed-between-two-giant-magnet treatments, I, apparently would be able to go surfing, go snowboarding, climb mountains, join friends around campfires and have my children playfully pulled along sleds by my awesome Golden Retriever.  But then I don't have children or a Golden Retriever, so really, what fun could a Ford Explorer promise?  In case you don't want to have fake life envy like me, here's just the song:


In case you like to imagine that you're also chasing a baby cow through some unknown field (RUN BABY COW, THE GUY CHASING YOU IS EMPLOYED BY IN-N-OUT AND THEY JUST RAN OUT OF PRE-MADE PATTIES!!)  you can relive all of your glorious imaginary Explorer existence here:

And yes Ford, if you'd like to give me a little bit of bank to me, I know you may not have a lot to give, I would accept it.

Last night ABC ran a special on the "greatest movies of our time".  I had no idea the format would essentially be a million different Top 5 lists.  It's like they've been reading my blog or something.  While it's always enjoyable watching random clips of movies, this seems a lot like cheating.  If I give you the category of Best Heist Movie Featuring a Star from Inception, you're not going to have as much competition as simply opening up the field to Best Heist Movie, so a bravo is also due to ABC for figuring out a way to buck its own system!  The best thing about this show was that Gone With The Wind took the "Best Movie of Something" category and Citizen Kane was nowhere to be seen.  Just like Scarlett O'Hara, kickin' ass and throwing dirt at the competition.

Are you really missing if you're hiding out in a barn?

They make peanut butter canolis at Libby's in North Haven.  I don't care that this isn't traditional, I don't care that they're probably 800 grams of fat, I don't care.  The only thing that matters is they're delicious.  Did you read when I said PEANUT BUTTER CANOLIS?!  If I drove a Ford Explorer I'd be buying a Peanut Butter Canoli every day for the rest of my life, and then I'd also have to eventually upgrade to the less adventurous Ford Expedition with giant driver's side seating.

Captain America finally has a trailer out and in case you were wondering, yes that shot of Chris Evans gloriously glistening pectorals and washboard abs is still available for mass female consumption.  I will also never apologize for finding this appealing.  Sure it's pandering to the ladies in a bid to get them to go to a movie that beyond those 2 minutes will probably not appeal as much to them as to their boyfriends (who have been fooled into thinking they're going to a comic book movie) but hey, buying a movie ticket costs the same no matter why you're going.  Better get to ogling Chris Evans while he's still super hot and pimping it:
For those actually interested in the movie, the link is below:
http://www.flix66.com/videos/

For those just interested in the pecks, here's the pic, but before you look, I'm charging 7.50....that's matinee price people!












Now, to the thing that really brought me here.  I used to watch American Idol.  I didn't really start until Season 5, and even then it was only half-heartedly.  I followed Season 6 every week and then Season 7 replaced any actual religion I might have once followed.  David Cook became my god, and I'm still pretty ok with that decision, although he does need to finish that second album quickly, my patience isn't what it used to be now that I'm three weeks away from being another year older.  But still, I would drive hours to see David Cook.  Season 8 was better than Season 6, not better than Season 7, but it is the only season that I blogged faithfully.  Those can still be found on here if you keep clicking on the "older" posts button at the bottom of this page, but that's only advisable if you have literally hours to kill.  You might also simply be able to search "American Idol" in the labels.  However, none of that matters so much.  What does matter is my own gullibility.
About three weeks ago, I fell for the old "This is the best group we've ever had [Dawg]" bit.  I can't believe it.  I stayed away all last year, telling myself I was finally weaned off of it; that I could finally fly the nest of pop culture addiction and find a rewarding experience on another network.  Apparently, this is untrue, because I came back.  With Kara/Cara (she wasn't a siamese twin or a split personality, that I know of, I'm just too lazy to actually look up the spelling of her name) and Ellen vamoosing, I figured I'd "just check it out".  Little did I know this was the time-tested phrase of every former Idol addict.  I gave in and watched the first episode of the Top 13 (nothing before it, I swear!) and I was fooled.  Casey Abrams was my boy!  I even voted (I say that with the sort of defiant delusional thinking voice that one usually uses when attempting to deny the cold hard facts )Well that brought me back for another week, and suddenly there were cracks in the Idoline veneer.  Casey performed Nirvana's "Teen Spirit" and while it was still clearly the best performance of the pack, that'd be like saying that my dad could finish the Tour De France in a faster time than Stephen Hawking.  Neither of them are Lance Armstrong is what I'm saying.  And yet, with this "talent" the judges were still heaping praise.
Fast forward to this week.  No literally, that's all I did this week on the DVR was fast forward and then pause it long enough to laugh until my belly ached.  It's Mo-Town week this week people, and if you have any love for Mo-Town, or anyone associated with that once-magnificent record label, please turn your ears away now.  Here's the lineup:

Casey- I Heard It Through the Grapevine (why did you slick back your hair and growl so much?!?!)


Thia-Heat Wave (there's nothing left to say about this one that isn't cold....get it...cold?! It's like watching High School Talent Show every week from this chick)

Jacob- You're All I Need to Get By (if you just heard a wood cracking noise, that was Marvin attempting to dig himself out of his grave using the Pai Mei technique)

Lauren-You Keep Me Hanging On (sorry for the lame pun, but this is me letting go...of this song)

Stefano-Hello  (as in HELLO?!  David Cook did this a bajillion times better, and by better I mean, he didn't go with the cruise-ship for retirees version.  I will admit to laughing hysterically after those terrible two glory notes at the end.  I'm sure you'll be able to find this on the internet by the morning after)

Haley-You Really Got a Hold On Me (the 40-year-old kind of drunk Mom on Karaoke & Patron night at the local bar version)

Scotty- For Once In My Life (the whitest version of this song ever sung.  Look for it in Wrangler ads in about 3 months)  His voice isn't bad, it's just an awful version of this song.

Pia-All In Love Is Fair -so clearly a front-runner, they've literally groomed her for this performance.  A full string section is accompanying her performance.  She also "chose" a much lesser-known song so that she wouldn't have to compete with preconceived notions.  Very good vocal performance though.  I can't mock.

Paul-Tracks of My Tears (hey remember when Adam Lambert sung this to pretty much perfection two years ago? )  He's smartened up and is standing behind his guitar instead of flailing around spasmatically the way he has for the last two weeks.  Seriously if you want to see what the early signs of a peanut butter canoli poisioning look like, just look up Paul's performances of "Come Pick Me Up" or "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues".  He's reverted back to the form that got him on the show.  Good move bud.  I like the voice rasp.

Naima-Dancing in The Streets-vocally, again, I can't hate.  Probably the best performance of the night.  The dancing on the other hand is an unnecessary attempt at FELA.  I'm tempted to call this pandering.

James-Just Enough for the City-I like this kid.  I don't care that he's an Adam Lambert clone in a more dude-a-riffic way.  It's ok.  For those of you, like me, who at one point, really loved this show, and are wondering what this season is like, I'd suggest watching this performance on the better end of things, at least.  I also like that James looks like he could eat Ryan Seacrest's head off in one bite because there's easily an 8-inch height difference and I'm pretty sure he's got a good 40 pounds on Ryan too.

I know what you're thinking.  I'm so clearly not over Idol if I can't help myself from recapping it.  You're completely right.  I'm not over it.  I may always kind of want to watch it, but if this is the best group they've ever had, then I am thoroughly confused.  Someone's lying somewhere and I'm all about getting to the truth of the conspiracy.

For others takes on Idol:
for the hilariously cynical, http://www.votefortheworst.com/
for the serious, http://www.ew.com/ew/  (I think there's at least like 4 different articles every day about Idol on here)

Speaking of conspiracies...why aren't you watching Fringe?!  Yes you, reading this.  You should be watching the best show on television.  And that's not me lying to you, that's me telling the truth.

That's pretty much it for my random thoughts of the night.  I'll leave you with this, which I may have put on here before, but may not have.  I can't remember.  Either way this feels like something soul-shaking to me.  And as long as Thia is still in the talent pool I pray there's no Springsteen night on Idol











No comments: